On a cold Saturday afternoon Hornets visited the University of Exeter water base pitch to play their local rivals ISCA in the West of England Hockey League. It was a game of highs for Simon (I get the slightest touch) Roberts and lows for Jack (I thought I’d scored until I was getting changed) Hampton but eventually we all found out that Antony (I love a yellow or two) Ford can still score fantastic goals.

The match ended 3-2.

In other news, Simon Roberts and David Fasey have been approached by Andrew Lloyd Webber to form a piano 'dream team' to tour with the latest version of The Sound of Music, hitting the Northcott Theatre in the Spring. Lloyd Webber had recently seen uploaded footage of the Hornets duo online and felt that the performance of the pair was both heartfelt, and polished. Fasey is said to be delighted with this opportunity, and Roberts cannot wait to make numerous late night trips to McDonald's nationwide in search of what he vividly describes as 'the one'.

Next weekend sees an incredibly important double header, with Hornets hosting Robinsons on the Saturday followed by an absolute must win game on Sunday against Devises. If the Hornets manage to pick up the full 6 points this week they will give themselves a real chance of catching the teams above them and remaining a perm 1 side.

Fordy incised a diagonal through Isca's defence as sharp as the crease in a McDonald's Burger carton, before slipping the ball past the hapless keeper - truly a chanpagne moment!

Predator Roberts was on hand to slip in Hampton Junior's cross - his lack of a McFlurry led Hampton to believe he had scored. Forty minutes later, in the changing room, Hampton learned the truth to his dismay.

Hampton Old Man played some delightful disguised feet in the D much to the chagrin of Isca's forwards - of course Hampton kept mum, only a large bruise evidence of his dastardly happy feet.

Changing room blues: Roberts contemplates possible fatherhood thanks to a needles late night handy work, Reeder replays painful air shots even Panesar wouldn’t make and Lee marvels at how rude Fasey can be to uncouth, (but easy) Exeter working            women

Hornets Stung: Sonnet #1

After last week’s woeful ducking at Bath,
Hornets gathered to face Bristol Uni.
Cool, confident passing opened the half
But then a shorty Hampton couldn’t see.
Hawkeye Yeo hammered in to equalise;
Bristol got into gear piercing the wings
Scoring from a corner that failed to rise
And then a flick to which Ads failed to cling.
Dyson’s champagne moment brought half time hope,
Then Skinner’s steal and Rosenwald’s engine
Restored Hornets belief that they could cope;
No: Fordy’s yellow, then ill-discipline.
The Bristol boys took the second half too;
Now our second chances we must not rue!

Off the back of the previous weeks victory hornets travelled to a strong bath buccs team and soon found themselves against the ropes, bath struck first, second and third and hornets were down 3-0 at half time. Hornets strung some nice hockey together in the second half seeing Chris Yeo score a hard earned goal, special mention goes to Tom Lambear for his sterling effort and deserved man of the match award, final score Bath buccs 4 Hornets 1.

It was once said that the true test of a man’s character is in “the quality of the grape of the wine from which he drinks, in the beauty of the women which he makes love to and in the manner in which he defeats opposition on a pitch”.

On the morning of Sunday 27th November David “the loose cannon” Fasey, Chris “my drink must have been spiked” Yeo, Simon “I’m blaming this yellow card on still not knowing the rules” and Roo “birthday boy” Rosenwald must have lay in bed pondering the above quote thinking about how much they still have to do to become real men. Between them the quality of their grape had been 2 litres of Sainsbury’s Vodka and Rum before 8pm and for Fasey the beauty he woke up to the morning after the epic mid-season party was the site of Broomfield and Kerslake cuddled up in bed together. The manner in which they defeated the opposition on a hockey pitch just 24 hours earlier however must have been all the motivation they needed to rise again as all the great Hornet Warriors do (with the exception of Yeo however who revealed that he made it no further than the floor of his bedroom on the Sunday).

Rewind to 13:29 and lined up on the St James’ battle field were the black and yellow army of the ECV Hornets. Recent results had seen the magnitude of this match comparable only to the Battle of Thermopylae where the Persian King led an Army of 100,000 men to Greece and was confronted by 300 Spartans. Cardiff who had plundered points a fortnight earlier at this fortress had picked up points against all odds against Isca the week before leaving this game a must win.

13.30 Hornet Tanks roared into action. A frantic first 15 minutes saw Hornets launch a blitzkrieg style attack into the Vale defence, with chances going begging. 16 minutes in and the Vale defences were penetrated, following excellent work from the young midfield blood of Harrison “H-Bomb”, Jack “River” and Rosenwald. The ball fell to Yeo in the D who guided it perfectly into the back of the net...1-0. 20 minutes in and the body of the Vale team was haemorrhaging confidence as the ECV Spartans delivered a second devastating blow. After a crunching challenge from the War veteran Skinner, the ball was shipped to General Lambert who carried the ball into the Vale 25 before releasing to Yeo on the wing. On his reverse side a laser pointed pass was delivered into the D for Roberts to deflect in and run off to put the bottle of Bollinger on ice.

Second half and the iron curtain was firmly shut on Vale as a back 5 of Broomfield, Kerslake, Reader, Fasey and Hampton proved as impenetrable as trying to break into Fort Knox. Reader and Fasey in particular resembling two German U Boats in the middle of the park refusing to be sunk. As Vale pushed forward desperately in search of the equaliser, a quick counter attack saw Yeo and Ford seal the victory with a third. Despite pulling back a late consolation and Roberts collecting his second yellow of the season this epic physical battle had been won.

The march continues as Hornets migrate north to Bath for next Saturday’s game.

Next stop on the Hornets 8 month long voyage into the stormy seas of premier division 1 hockey was a return to the home port of Saint James’. A 14 strong crew had been assembled by Captain Yeo for the battle ahead with the only thing more heated than the anticipation of the arrival of the Cardiff Armada was the unseasonably warm temperature down on the south coast.

The first half was dominated by resolute defending and solid midfield battling, with particular mention going to Lee Kerslake for a sterling man of the match performance at the back and Per Hampton for holding things together in the middle of the park.

The second half though saw a rejuvenated Hornet Fleet take to the water, as they begin knocking the ball around with more comfort and ease. 5 minutes into the half cabin boy River “Jack” Hampton, picked up the ball outside the 25 and cleverly meandered his way through what had been up to this point an impenetrable Cardiff blockade. A reverse stick through ball to Roberts was picked up and then fired across the D where Stephen Skinn“aaaaaarrrrr” drove home to set off a flurry of wild celebrations.

3 minutes later and the ship was rocking. After a neat exchange of midfield passing, the ball was released up the line for Roberts to make amends for an earlier card he had picked up for not knowing the rules. Driving to the baseline he teased the keeper out his goal and pulled the ball back to the top of the D where the now raging torrent River Hampton rifled the ball into the heart of the Cardiff goal. Cue release of the cork on the bottle of cava... (it had been decided by Yeo that nothing was of sufficient quality during the game to open up a bottle of Bollinger. That included his own 15 metre aerial through ball whilst looking the other way in the first half which it was decided merited only a Lambrini stamp of approval).

2-0 up and the winds were howling behind the Hornets sails as they thundered into unsinkable territory. The midfield crew oozed creativity and class with Rosenwald, Ford and Harrison making the already wobbly Cardiff sea legs even more unbalanced. The ships main artillery David “The Cannon” Fasey launched trademark aerial cannonball after cannonball deeper and deeper into the Welsh team’s already murky waters, where Yeo and Dyson were desperately unlucky not to extend the Hornets Lead.

With 15 minutes left however the Hornets took a dramatic turn off course, as the Cardiff vagabonds fired a blow into the team’s hull from a short corner. Leaking confidence and assertiveness, the team struggled to re-discover some of their earlier form. It was later reported on BBC Cornwall following coverage of the hotly anticipated Bodmin Vs Hornets match that this demise had been partly caused by Stephen Readers inability to count. It was believed that Reader was overheard saying “If they score at 2-0 down we won’t be in the lead anymore”...

With only 5 minutes to go further trouble for the Hornet fleet as Skinn“aaaaaarrrrr” was forced off with a shoulder injury. Not willing to sink holding the white flag however, it was quoted from the sidelines by none other than Mr Strictly Come “Chantering” himself that Skinn“aaaaaarrrrr” went down demonstrating some of the finest break dancing moves he had ever seen. 4 minutes later and the Hornets took another devastating blow into the poop deck as Cardiff equalised.

It is the second time this season that the team have let slip a lead in the final minutes of a game. More testing and troublesome trips lay ahead now and the team must focus on keeping the ball and demonstrating greater mental strength when sailing to victory. Next course is set for Exeter University...

Today Hornets struggled up to Bristol to take on Robinsons in the wake of the horrific M5 crash. They were travelling with a full team ready to go thanks to Adam Bromfield’s frantic early morning organization which expertly negotiated the worst of the traffic ... for the majority of the team.

After a vigorous warm up and a determined speech from the captain which steeled Hornets for a very hard match the visitors started brightly taking the lead. A smart finish from Chris Yeo opened the scoring, followed up swiftly by a masterly goal from Roo Rosenwald, who led a lightning break with a 40 metre run. This culminated with a one on one with the Robinsons goalie, who Rosenwald slotted the ball stylishly passed into the bottom corner for Hornets second. But now the fight back started. After a period of concerted pressure Robinsons scored 2 in as many minutes deflating Hornets who watched all their hard work of the opening 20 seem to disappear as there commanding position quickly reverted to a 2 all deadlock. Despite this the team rallied spurred on by tactically late impact subs Tom Lambert and Tony Ford. Fords characteristic mazy runs played havoc with the oppositions defence, opening gaps which were quickly exploited by Hornets who won and converted a short corner 5 minutes from half time thanks to a James Mayes rocket of a disguised shot. Tom Lambert kept the opposition, (and himself) quite confused for the last 5 minutes of the half with his audacious and perhaps a little ambitious stick skills, stopping an immediate come back so Hornets when into half time 3-2 up.

Unfortunately the second half was not a repeat of the first. Robinsons picked up the ball and would not give it back, shipping it about nicely in Hornets half, dominating the possession. Adam Bromfield pulled off a collection of impressive saves but he could only delay the inevitable and shortly into the half the home team finished a fantastic short corner with a bullet of a drag flick to even the score. Again Hornets found the Bristolian team camped in their own half and again this ended with a goal for Robinsons before the new boys from Exeter began to show there characteristic determination. Hornets managed to turn the tide thanks to some superb midfield play by Dave Fasey and Roo Rosenwald along with energetic subs Jack Hampton, James Glover and Stephen Skinner, who disrupted their midfield. This return of the form of the first half saw Chris Yeo finish a suburb goal 8 minutes from time, which was subsequently disallowed. Hornets feeling robbed desperately fought for the elusive goal which had already slipped through their fingers once. Giving everything in one last all or nothing bid they fell victim to a fatal break in the last couple of minutes.

Finishing at 5-3 Hornets left Bristol knowing that they were good enough to have got something from the game had they only applied a little consistency and calmness to their patchy performance.

Today Isca travelled to the ‘fortress’ to face Exeter’s biggest club. In Premier 1’s biggest derby, emotions before the game were running high throughout Hornets thanks to Chris Yeo’s inspirational mid week email which was amazing both in length and in detail and which warranted the skipper taking the week off work just to complete.

Hornets started the match with an epic first half, playing beautiful, simple and stylish hockey going into the interval 2-0 up following goals from the club’s two best strikers Simon Roberts and Steve Reed. Roberts started today after his superb hat trick the week before, leaving Chris Yeo on the bench who could not start having developed an eye infection after his excessive crying on hearing of the previous week’s result. Roberts scored a perfect deflection off James Mayes ball into the D and later in the half Steve Reed let rip a jaw dropping reverse stick finish to double the Hornet’s lead. After this the team was overflowing with confidence exemplified by Tom Lambert who happily played two positions simultaneously to great effect toward the end of the half. This caused havoc with Isca’s defence as no one, not even Tom, knew where he was going to pop up. Further to this James Mayes felt he should even the game up a little and got himself a yellow card for the last 5 minutes, Isca graciously applauded his sportsmanship.

However Isca started the second half strongly, putting Hornets under considerable pressure which culminated in their first goal. Captain Chris Yeo then took one for the team after Lee Kerslake, (in a fit of rage) karate kicked Sergio Ramos’s brother in the face earning the skipper a yellow card. Kerslake subsequently had to go off having damaged his calf in said karate kick to be replaced by angry man Jack Hampton, who put in a good performance for the remainder of the match at right back despite a few misunderstandings concerning defensive terminology.

Hornets continued to soak up pressure for the rest of the half though Isca came close on a number of occasions; having a VERY low drag flick saved off the line and a goal disallowed due to the fact that no one had any idea whether it went in or not (there are some unconfirmed reports that Hornets infamous goals came to the team’s aid by bending at just the right moment to insure ball met post not net). Despite Hornet’s heroic defensive effort, in the last minute of the game Isca were awarded a short corner which they smartly put away.

Jack Hampton picked up the “Thanks for Coming Award” due to unnecessary physicality with his own team mates. Steve Reed was awarded Man of the Match by a unanimous vote from the whole team and also picked up the Champaign Moment Award... when asked to comment Reed dedicated the Awards to his Friesian friends who selflessly donated their body weight to help his weights routine for the week. These awards may have been different if the whole team had voted, however Harrison Briggs had left the pitch in a great hurry with James Mayes’ sister and has been unavailable for comment since.

The mighty hornets off the back of a couple less than ideal results were on route to Devizes, the day started like many others the casual time keeping of the squad making the logistics more enjoyable. Navigation to the pitch was left to cunning and ambition and more over not using the instructions provided. Special mention goes to Lee Kerslake for his inspired use of a car park to avoid road works. The team arrived and made use of the lavish changing facilities and donned their slightly aromatic away tops. Today we found ourselves without our usual inspiring and charismatic leader Chris Yeo who was getting married in Ireland or something similar, this left the leadership and more specifically warm up and coin tossing abilities to the young and aspiring Mr Rosenwald. Roo’s captaincy soon ran into trouble when indecision about where we should be running on the warm up crept in, on hand was the experience Pear who said “right here” and all was good again.

Once on the pitch all concerns were laid to rest as the hornets team proceeded to play like muppets, whether this was a tactic by the mighty hornets to lull Devises in, it is unknown to the author but it certainly was convincing. The hornet’s inability to string a pass together and competence of giving the ball away in the middle of the pitch was astounding and left the equally struggling Devises team with a glimmer of hope. As such it was the Devises cohort that stuck first and standard drag loop fired at the keeper and then with precision redirected onto his post man granted Devises a penalty flick to open the scoring of the game, which was despatched with posthumously. But this marked the beginning of the Hornets resurgence, this time out provided hornets with enough time to have a colourful word with themselves and they restarted as a different team. The next move was something straight out of the training ground, with no more than two touches a piece, hornets stormed the Devises defence an onslaught seeing no less than eight people involved resulting in a near miss.

Hornets continued their pressure and were rewarded deservingly with their first goal. A mixture of persistent attacking and aggressive tactics found Simon Roberts free at the back post to score a glorious tap in from 1.23 yards, his first goal in hornet’s colours. This goal brought up the interval and time for David Fasey in his most whiney voice to launch a verbal assault into his team mates. The half time team talk involved an animated discussion on the finer points of hockey basics and certainly proved to be conducive to a more cohesive and appropriate performance from the might ECV team in the second half.

The second period started with a great amount of impetus and ambition and simply hockey resulted in hornets taking the lead. A turn over in midfield and some inspired play from our resident angry defender: James ‘blood bin’ Mayes dropped the ball on to Fasey which went down the line to H ‘the girl slayer’ Harrison. Man of the match Harrison thundered down his left wing, reminding they right back how deep he was in H’s pocket. Then with some training ground brilliance fired the ball across the ‘D’ to the back post where Si Roberts at a distance of 1.54yards was happy to oblige the gaping net, his second in hornet’s colours.

Hornets now began to turn it on, a mixture of impenetrable defending and good sections of possession saw ECV besiege the Devises line. Steve Skinner having won a short corner, put his faith in the crack special team’s professionalism and was rewarded for his trust. Good pull out, average to poor stop result in the Fasey drag push which the opposition goal keeper spec tactually avoided for a 3-1 lead.

The Hornets battalion hammered home their advantage, wave upon wave battered the Devises Bastille, rattling cages and showing the hockey that was painfully absent in the first half. The spine of the team; lumber jack Reed and the semi but not very permeable wall Pear, allowed hornets to attack with confidence and pace. Jack providing the leg work allowed a certain sweeper to climb the pitch and create havoc and after a slick passing move put Chris ‘I really need this goal’ Dyson in from 5 yards to hammer home in text book centre forward style. Worthy of mention was the celebration to follow which involved the phrase “And that’s how you do it in Prem.1” which went down an absolute storm with the deflated Devises defence.

Of course the day wouldn’t be rounded off without the final word from Si ‘king of the post 3am text message’ Roberts. The continued assault on precinct Devteen ended in a reverse stick pass from the now rampant Fasey to Si 1.61 yards from the line, scoring his third in Hornet’s colours. Special mention goes to Tom Lambear for providing the token family member at the game, our gratitude and fond thanks go out for enduring and then enjoying our performance.

Showers, followed by pasty and beans and a little adventurous navigating again found hornets home with a great night to follow. Good performance after a slow start, some nice hockey on display and the deserved winners come out on top. The team looks forward to the return of players and with an anewed thirst for glory.

Hornets opened their first season in Premier Division 1 in the searing Plymouth heat against Marjons, and the new look side could have hardly hoped for a better start to the campaign, going 1-0 up within the first minute. ECV stalwart Dyson intercepted a loose pass across the Marjons back line, and having drew two defenders feed Yeo who was able to lob the onrushing keeper with his first touch.

Despite losing an early goal it was Marjons who dominated the possession in the early stages and hit back midway through the first half after they were awarded a penalty stroke. Hornets had the chance to reclaim the lead however and Yeo and Dyson will have felt that they should have done better after hard work from Skinner presented them both with good chances. Disappointingly it was Marjons who went into the break 2-1 up after a decent reverse stick effort from the top of the ‘D’ managed to squeeze through a crowded area and beat the impressive Broomfield at the back post.

After finding their feet in the first half, it was Hornets who came out stronger after the break and some incisive counter attacking play, and the somewhat customary flair from the mercurial Ford lead to a number of chances which may, on another day, have resulted in goals. As the second half progressed, the lack of early-season fitness, combined with the almost equatorial temperatures, began to tell and the game became increasingly stretched.

It was Marjons who took advantage of this, adding to their lead with a tap in at the back post after a fast flowing break from midfield. Hornets may feel slightly aggrieved by the manner in which Marjons were able to win the ball to start the break but it was the frequency in which Hornets gave the ball away which will give them most cause for concern.

After some resolute defending, exceptional goalkeeping and with Eddie Davies chucking pitch long ariels for fun it was Hornets who finished the match the strongest and in the last two minutes it was Yeo who turned his man at the top of the ‘D’ and fired it towards goal for Skinner to finish in predatory fashion from close range. However, this was too little too late and Hornets will certainly feel that they should have got more out of the game.

Special mention should go to debutants Jack and Per Hampton and James Mayes, who with the assistance of sidekick Dave Fasey managed to successfully compromise the A38 on route home.

It was the simple things that Hornets failed to do well on Saturday and if they can iron these out, and with a number of players due to come back into the reckoning over the coming weeks Hornets should feel happy that they will be able to more than hold their own in Prem 1.